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Using your love language is a great way to build confidence in yourself. A person’s love language is the actions, behaviors, and words, they use to express and receive love. Each person has a love language of giving, as well as a love language of receiving.
The way most people show love is often based on how they feel about themselves and how they prioritize feelings. The way people feel love is usually based on attachment style.
What are the 5 Love Languages?
The 5 Love Languages were developed by Dr. Gary Chapman. The purpose of understanding one’s love language is to connect on a deeper level. Expressing love and gratitude to people in their language shows a strong commitment to the relationship. Speaking to someone in their language shows empathy, understanding, and comfort.
Each love language focuses on the specific acts associated with expressing love.
Acts of Service
Acts of service include doing deeds without being asked or prompted.
People who enjoy acts of service would appreciate:
- Taking over a household task to help your loved one choose relaxation
- Providing snacks, meals, or drinks to support their self-care
- Cooking a meal
Love language as gift-giving depends greatly on knowing what your loved one enjoys. Receiving personalized, well-thought-out gifts shows that a person took time to pay attention to you and think about you.
Gift-giving looks like:
- Useful gifts relative to hobbies and interests; typewriters, pens, yoga mat, beach towel
- Surprise gifts; a bouquet of flowers, candy bar, cozy socks
- Expensive gifts; saving for an item they’d never buy for themselves
Quality time means focusing on connecting with your loved one. It doesn’t take money or special occasions, simply the act of being available shows love.
Quality time acts of love look like:
- Turning off electronics to have a deep conversation
- Plan time to play a game together
- Join in an activity together such as a pickup sport or cooking class
Words of Affirmation
Words of affirmation go a long way in encouraging someone through a difficult time. Words of affirmation also let someone know you see them clearly.
Practicing words of affirmation looks like:
- Speaking gratitude for your relationship
- Encouraging your loved one for overcoming an obstacle or achieving a goal
- Let them know how impressed you are with their skills and abilities
Many people enjoy physical touch in their relationships but physical touch as a love language takes intentional connection.
Physical touch looks like:
- Offering a hug or kiss upon greeting or parting
- Pat on the back or arm
How to Build Confidence Using Your Love Language
Understanding the importance of love languages means recognizing that people need intentional care and attention. Shifting that idea to yourself, you can learn how to build confidence by being intentional about your care and attention. Depending on how we interact in relationships, attachment styles, and other conditioning, our love language may get buried.
Bring your love language back to the surface and use it to support your own needs.
Step 1: Find Your Love Language
Take the Love Language Quiz to find out your love language. You may already know yours if you’ve done this exercise with a partner. I encourage you to take it again but keep caring for yourself in mind. This may produce different results than what you would want from a partner.
Take the quiz and write down your results.
Step 2: Make a List of Your Acts of Love
Once you know your love language, keeping yourself in mind, make a list of acts that fit that description. Taking ideas from the outline above, create a master list of ways you would feel taken care of. Go over this list and choose the acts that stand out the most.
Step 3: Schedule Your Acts of Love
Having a list of your love language and which tasks fulfill it is great, but without planning it’s just a list. Build confidence one habit at a time. Schedule one of the tasks and then do it. Schedule another task and then do it. Repeating this behavior will allow you to build trust in yourself. Trusting yourself is the key to confidence.
Step 4: Create a Routine
Scheduling acts of love for yourself is a great way to begin building trust. A routine is the best way to communicate to yourself that you’re a priority. Take it slow at first and stick to your one scheduled task. Show yourself you can keep those commitments to self-improvement.
When you feel ready, create a self-care routine incorporating basic self-care habits, keeping in mind how to build confidence using your love language.
Loving yourself in your type of love language provides you with the self-worth to feel confident. Confidence gives you the strength to set boundaries and further care for your needs.